Did You Inherit Anxiety?
Perhaps inherited anxiety is not the right phrase to use. You were not born anxious or worried. You were a blank canvas, an empty vessel just waiting to be filled with information, so that you could live a long and safe life. But is long and safe the same as being happy and joyful?
A life free from Anxiety…
After many years of working with hypnotherapy and coaching clients I realised that the number one outcome or goal for most of them is to be happy. To live a joyful, fulfilling existence.
Sadly the reality is just the opposite, many had been living in fear and anxiety. The two old foes that were stopping them from achieving their goals.
Sure many of them were successful in their businesses and careers, but they were not happy with or in their lives.
So being happy and joyful are different from living a long and safe life.
Many come seeking the former, but suffering the safe life.
But why do they only live the safe life, not the one they really want?
Your container is empty
You mind is born blank, like a fresh sheet of paper, and throughout your life you learn how to be. You learn rules and habits that ensure your safety. You learn what is dangerous and what is safe. What you can do and what you can’t do.
You form beliefs and values that shape your life and influence how it is experienced.
But where do you learn all this information from?
In your formative years this information comes from your primary care givers, your parents, family members etc.
As you grow older you are taught by school teachers and learn from your peers.
When you reach adulthood you like to think that you make informed decisions and learn information from the world around you.
You read newspapers, magazines and watch TV news programmes.
The older you get the more information you absorb, strengthening your beliefs and values. These beliefs and values are the rules that you make decisions and live by, many out of your conscious awareness.
But here is the big reveal…
They’re someone else’s opinions that have been programmed into you!
It is quite a sobering thought to realise that almost everything you have been told from day one is someone else’s opinion. And that they are now teaching it to you.
Whether it’s right or wrong, accurate or not, true or false.
It’s their version of the world, coloured by the way they have experienced life.
Think about this carefully, where did your parents and care givers learn their information from? Most likely from their parents and caregivers – and they learnt from theirs – and so it goes back through time.
Where did your teachers get their information from? They were also taught by teachers – And so on.
When you listen to the TV news and read articles in the papers where does that information come from? – It’s the reporters or editors view of events.
And as you may be aware there are always at least two sides to any story, depending on your view point.
Take the recent Brexit Vote or the American Presidential elections.
Who is right?
It depends on your viewpoint, which depends on your beliefs and values…and where did they come from?
So if they are not your opinions – are they true?
Let’s be honest much of the information you have learnt is accurate enough to live safely on:
- You know not to touch fire because it burns.
- You know not to walk out into the road without looking because you may get run over, injured or killed.
- You know that if you visit the zoo and jump into the Lion’s den then things are not going to go too well for you…or sadly the Lion.
But, there are times when someone else’s opinions do you no favours.
Some people are brought up by confident, outgoing parents. They have learnt beliefs and values that enable them to be confident too. They learn to see the opportunities in life, the positives which they focus on.
And unless something causes a major upset in their lives they go around collecting more information to support that viewpoint. Anxiety is not a big issue for them.
Anxious people on the other hand can sometimes have a different type of upbringing. Perhaps they had anxious or stressed parents, or moved house many times and never made a circle of friends, or they were bullied at school or at work.
They view the world differently – it’s a dangerous place.
If you tend to be worried or anxious that is what you look out for, more proof that this is a frightening and dangerous world.
And so this links back to the previous blog post and your lookout starts to run the ship, perceiving danger where there is none.
Causing anxiety, causing you to worry about worrying.
Remember though, none of these thoughts are real, they are just thoughts.
What can you do?
Question the all information you receive
Question all the information you are presented with.
- Is it true?
- Is what I am thinking likely to happen?
- What are the chances of the worst case scenario occurring?
- Whose opinion am I listening too and do I agree with it?
- What else could be true?
Much of your thinking occurs outside your conscious control – but with a little practice you can begin to sort through and notice the thoughts that are outrageous.
And they are many times the ones that your lookout is bringing to your attention to try and keep you away from what it perceives as danger, and to keep you safe.
And when you examine those thoughts they are not keeping you safe.
They are keeping you from doing safe things and living the life that you really want!
So question everything and learn for yourself what is safe and discover what will make you happy…
I hope that this helps you in some way, please feel free to share.
If you have anything that you do to deal with anxiety and think it would benefit others please feel free comment and share or email me directly.
Anxiety help locally and worldwide
I specialise in helping people who suffer with all types of anxiety.
I am based in the beautiful market town of Petersfield in Hampshire, in the UK.
I also offer sessions via Skype if you are unable to travel to my Petersfield UK offices.
Locally I cover Petersfield, Portsmouth, Southampton, Winchester, Midhurst, Chichester, Liphook, Clanfield, Waterlooville, Horndean, Liss, Alton, Havant, Rowlands Castle and the surrounding areas.